


Selcouth

by Val_Creative



Series: No Angst June/Domestic Fluff Month [20]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Canon Universe, Confused Dib (Invader Zim), Crack Treated Seriously, Dib is So Done (Invader Zim), Drama & Romance, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Humor, Love/Hate, Stupidity, Zim is Bad at Feelings (Invader Zim)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24828391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val_Creative/pseuds/Val_Creative
Summary: That’s not how a kiss works.
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)
Series: No Angst June/Domestic Fluff Month [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1769860
Comments: 12
Kudos: 51





	Selcouth

**Author's Note:**

> I wanna dedicate this to Jhonen Vasquez, the raging homophobe circa 2001. No, not the fic. Just this 🖕🖕🖕
> 
> _"Selcouth" (adj): strange, unusual, rare; unfamiliar; marvellous, wondrous._

*

20\. A Heated Argument

"Yes!"

Zim claws the sides of his armchair, gawking and screeching with victory at the glowing television screen.

_"Yes! That is how Zim will defeat his enemies!"_

*

All of the puny and weak Earth children avoid him at Skool. Another victory!

Zim has no time for their meaningless existence!

Ms. Bitters orders them all out, hissing. Some of the children haul themselves out of the windows, rolling limply onto the grass. The others leave more dignified from the classroom and into the hallways. On the entrance-steps, Zim meets Dib's glare.

"Dib-thing! Yes! _YOU!"_ Zim's arm brandishes out. "You will meet your end this time!"

"Pffftt!"

Dib makes an unimpressed noise, crossing his arms.

"What are you gonna do? Hmm?" he monotones. "Turn me into baloney again?"

"Yes— _WUHHH_ _—_ NO!" Zim flails. " _NO!_ You pathetic human! Your mind is so feeble you cannot comprehend—"

"You're the worst alien invader ever, Zim."

Something about Dib's nonchalant behavior peppered with arrogance hits Zim right in his Squeedlyspooch.

 _"PREPARE YOURSELF FOR DEFEAT!"_ Zim hollers. He lunges forward, grinning with all of his teeth, watching as Dib's eyes tic up a size.

Zim crushes his lips against Dib's mouth, cupping his face.

Painfully.

With all of the viscous enthusiasm Zim can muster.

The television showed Zim the ways of Earthling submission! Finally! Zim observed a very tall and male human press his lips together in a " _KISS_ " (which Zim assumes must be short for "Killer! Impact! Silent! Submission!") and attacked a female who went lifeless into his arms! She was helpless! She allowed the male human to attack her again until they were both writhing!

Zim pulls back triumphantly, still grinning.

Yes!

Victory for _Zim!_

Dib's face goes shiny and pink. His features unreadable.

"Now you have submitted to Zim— _EEK_ —!" Zim squeals, feeling Dib's mouth clumsily on his, before the human boy regains himself and jerks away as if dumbfounded. "NO! _NO NO NO!_ YOU ARE THE ONE TO SUBMIT! I _DEFEATED_ YOU!"

"That's… not how a kiss works."

 _"SHUT UP!"_ Zim demands, the blood in his veins heating. He's warm. Far too warm.

He glares infuriated as Dib's lips perk up.

*


End file.
